Last night, I had the most wonderful idea. It was like when Edison discovered the light bulb, I was so excited I literally ran home. I had a very good idea of what happened when a person drove under the influence of alcohol. Such a person could drive into a stationary vehicle or worse. I had seen that talking under the influence of alcohol could make a person say things he came to regret. The night clubs had examples of what happened when a person sang under the influence of alcohol; such a person could display so much energy, sing a song that typically he wouldn’t and end it with a question like “Am I mad ?” .
So last night I decided to try something new, something nobody had tried before (atleast nobody I knew). I walked into the supermarket bought two bottles of Alomo and made my way back to my room.
It was going to be a controlled experiment and the subject was me. I willingly decided to get myself drunk but first, I locked the door and threw the keys into the pocket of my jeans. After the first bottle had been emptied into my stomach, I was still on my feet. I decided to create the right atmosphere so I hit the power button on my LG sound master and moved straight to Terry G. I didn’t realise that I had the energy to dance that much. It didn’t matter that I was dancing off beat , I was just enjoying myself and slowly taking down the second bottle.
Gradually everything was beginning to seem so funny, a cockroach came out to see what was happening and I was talking to it and laughed as the poor insect ran away. It was at that point I realised that I was filled with the spirit, it was now time for a revelation.
Quickly, I pulled the power cord without first switching off the sound system then I staggered to the table, picked my notepad and a pen then I waited on the lord. The chair didn’t feel so comfortable so I moved to the bare floor and held my pen above the notepad. As I waited for inspiration, I scribbled every thought that came through my drunk head. I wrote for a while then the spirit led me into a deep sleep.
This morning I woke up with a bad hang-over. I hurriedly picked up my notepad to look at what I had written while I was wasted, and I just kept laughing and laughing. I had done it, let it now be said that one naija boy had written under the influence of alcohol and the result was a well written rubbish. I am so ashamed of it and I am almost certain it would make you laugh too but, I won’t wash more of my dirty linen in public so don’t ask me what I wrote.