Love is not a feeling

Warning: This note is focused on the Boy/Girl relationship. It contains paragraphs unsuitable for under aged individuals. Reader’s discretion is advised. After reading, you might be tempted to call me a love guru, PLEASE DON’T. That said, let’s talk about love.


Definition: LOVE is a DECISION to GIVE UP personal DESIRES for the sake of ANOTHER PERSON and EXPECT NOTHING in return. ©™


The truth is that a lot of times we make the mistake of thinking that love is a feeling when in actual fact, it is not. Love is a decision to stand by your partner whether he messes up or not, it is a decision to support his dreams regardless of yours, it is a decision to compromise a little so that she can achieve a lot. Love is a SERIOUS RESPONSIBILITY and it is not about your feelings. So, before you say I LOVE YOU, be sure you are ready to make a decision to accept that the other person is not perfect.


I can confidently tell you that love is not SEX, it is MORE. Love means you will make lots of sacrifices to get your partner a beautiful Valentine gift, it means you would travel from Lagos to Abuja just to see her face, it means you will never forget his birthday and work towards getting him a gift, it means you will listen to his dreams and help him achieve it. Whether or not you are in a good mood, whether or not she had offended you, you made the decision and you must stand by it.


I have 6 suggestions on how to express love:

  • Spend time together: Your day could get very hectic but somewhere within your tight schedule, you might find a way to spend time together, and just talk. Don’t get this wrong, spending together doesn’t mean moving in to stay with him, some people live together but they don’t spend time together. Spending time together means you leave whatever else you are doing and just listen to your partner. Read between the lines, learn more about each other.


  • Do crazy things: Jesus Christ wanted to should how much he loves us and he left his throne in heaven, was born in a sheep’s manger to the wife of a carpenter, allowed himself to be trained as a carpenter, allowed himself to be spat upon by the people he had helped create, carried a heavy cross shamefully up a steep mountain, then eventually he was killed like a common criminal. Sounds crazy right? Well, love does crazy things.

You don’t have to carry a cross or die for some else, you are not Jesus.  You can carry her hand bag in the market, follow her to the salon, give him your car for his interview and take BRT to work. I bet you, some people would say you are crazy but you are simply showing love.

  • Be Lavish with praise : I learnt something very interesting many years ago, “whatever is encouraged multiplies” by implication, don’t hold back praises and words of encouragement, tell your guy that you are sure he would be a great man, remind him you believe in his dreams, tell her she is beautiful, intelligent and a gift from God. Don’t hold back, praise one another, after all, we were created in the image of God and God loves praises.


  • Give gifts: “you can give without loving but you cannot truly love without giving” I heard this saying many years ago and I have come to see that it is true. The proof of love is giving. Whether you feel like it or not, make it a habit to give gifts. It doesn’t have to be expensive it just has to be from your heart. If you spend enough time together you would know what she likes and that is what you need to get her. If you listen to him, you won’t get him a pink shirt when you know he loves blue. Give gifts, you don’t have to wait for a special occasion, start now.


  • Come a little closer: since this is about boy/girl relationship, I just must add that there must be ‘chemistry’, you need to come a little closer. You need to be attracted to one another, emotionally and physically too. You can tell what the guy is feeling by the way he holds your hands and hugs you. You can tell what the lady is feeling by the way she looks at you and smiles. You must be attracted to one another and I am not talking about sex.


  • Pray for one another: let’s face it, you are not the only guy and she is not the only girl in town. It takes the grace of God and plenty of discipline for you to keep your head straight. The bible tells us to pray for one another because some things must be settled from the spirit realm. When your relationship has a godly foundation, it is sure to last and be less frustrating, so, pray for one another.

Before I over use my page, allow me to end this note by stating that when you expect something in return for what you are giving then what you are into is not LOVE but BUSINESS.  Love is sacrificial and expects nothing in return; it doesn’t brag about what it has done, it does not count errors. Love is going to hurt you and sometimes makes grown men cry, but then, LOVE MUST HURT BEFORE IT CAN HELP.

With these few points of mine, I hope that I have been able to convince you and not confuse you that LOVE is not a feeling but rather A DECISION.

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