His pitch black lips and his blood shot eyes stood him out from the crowd, and I could almost swear that I perceived weed each time he opened his mouth. I hear voices regularly but this was different.

I listened as the bus conductor announced in a husky Yoruba accent,

“Everybody abeg come down for inside the moto, it have spoil”

Some of the passengers immediately protested,

“Oya conductor, give us our moni” requested one of the passengers

“Wait nah, e duro, dem go do the moto now now!”

The conductor requested, and then pointed towards the driver to indicate that he had already identified the problem and was working on it.

“Where she wan go self” I thought to myself

I had just completed a not-too-promising visit to an uncle on Lagos Island. He managed to add to my depression but gave me some money for transport back home. I was really hoping to get back to my one room apartment and pretend as though I was hopeful that my Uncle would help me with a job soon. But here I was on the 3rd mainland bridge, surrounded by water and almost every car that came on the bridge was already packed full.

We were stranded, I was scared.

It wasn’t because of the large expanse of water, no, far from it. There was a voice in my head and it was louder than usual.

“End this your miserable life now, jump into the water”

I looked to one side of the bridge and I observed a lady just gazing into the water, she had a blank look on her face and pain was written all over her face. The wig on her head was looking so unkempt,

“She must be having it rough”, I thought to myself

“Maybe she self wan jump enter the water”   I wondered

Lately, thoughts of killing myself has been hanging around my mind. Sometimes it is so hard to hold myself from doing something harmful to myself.

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